Archives for January 2012

Mirror, Mirror…How’s the Blush?

So here it is, the new home of Mat and Val’s Excellent Baby Adventure.   I’m changing things up a little bit and wanted to start fresh with a new look.  I thought the baby blog would last me just through my pregnancy and then I’d get too tired and busy to care about keeping up.  But it turns out that A) I really can’t be in denial any more that I AM a mom to two children and almost have a third and will be doing this for a lot longer than just a gestation period and B) the only thing that keeps me sane in this mad, mad new world is writing about all the poop I’m drowning in.  Oh, and C) I’d rather write than do the dishes or laundry.

My husband thinks I might be complaining too much.  I told him to shut the hell up. Motherhood can feel so disorienting and isolating that writing down what I’m going through, even to an audience filled with mostly imaginary people (except you Mom, hi!)  is comforting and makes me feel connected.  Besides, when I write I can let my true thoughts out, all the dirty, raw brain mush that I can’t say in public without being a social pariah.  Out there you have to have things like “social graces” and “filters” and it can sometimes be hard to keep up that persona.  You know, the one where you’re a respectable person.

So here I am, getting settled in for the long haul with a cute new blog (more changes to come) and an even more irreverent attitude.  Because when you spend 50% of your time literally elbows deep in shit, you have to try not to take yourself or this adventure too seriously.  Besides, poop is funny.  After you’ve washed it off.

As you can probably tell, this isn’t going to be a blog full of cute pictures of my kids and stories of how awesome they are.  Of course there will be some of that.  But it’s also my personal and hopefully entertaining perspective on perpetual pregnancy and being the proud and happy but sometimes resentful and flabbergasted full-time stepmother to a 6 year old and mother to a one-year old.   It’s awesome a lot.  And it totally sucks too.  It’s that dichotomy that is unique to mothering – you have a constant mirror reflecting all your flaws but hopefully you see in there some of the juicy good stuff too.

So why Pink Cheeks?  Several reasons, my friend, so let me explain.

1.  I am known around these parts to wear a tad bit too much blush.  I am obsessed with blush.  If I’m out in public when I realize I’ve really gone too far, I will blame the application on the poor lighting in my bathroom because my husband has yet to replace four of the six lightbulbs that are in there.  But we all know the truth.  I just heart blush.  I have pale, translucent skin that is nearly gray and blush is the only thing that gives me some color.  But as I always say, it’s better to have on too much blush than to look like a dead corpse.  (“Dead corpse” may seem a bit redundant here, but with all the zombies on the loose lately I wanted to be sure you knew I didn’t mean un-dead corpse.  Undead corpses don’t always look so bad, actually, because they often have blood smeared on their cheeks that looks like blush.)

2.  My son has these super cute, adorable mushy bright pink cheeks and when he smiles it is really just ridiculous.  Unfortunately the bright pinkness of his cheeks is caused by this eczema-like rash he’s had since he started teething, because he rubs his face and mouth vigorously on whatever he can find.  Is it inappropriate to mention that I am jealous of my son’s eczema-rash-pink cheeks?

3.  What really got me thinking about the term “pink cheeks” was what happened last week, however.  Noah had come down with a bad case of diarrhea which had turned his normally perfectly smooth and white butt cheeks into a raging red nightmare.  Huh! I thought as I mortared my screaming baby with cement-like cream, my mind escaping far far away from the watery marshlands of his diaper and into dreamy blue blogland.  Now this is something every mother can relate to!

4.  The seal on the deal, though, was when I googled “pink cheeks” to see what comes up.  The first listing was, which  happens to be a salon in Ventura, CA.  You know how on google when you type in a term it brings up the websites with a description of what the website is?  Well Pink Cheeks the salon specializes in butt waxing and anal bleaching.  This is such a coincidence, because Mat and I had just had a fascinating discussion about anal bleaching and then later we watched Bridesmaids which has a reference to anal bleaching and I thought, how funny it would be that if someone is searching for my mommy blog Pink Cheeks they would first come across anal bleaching at Pink Cheeks!  Maybe it would make their life more interesting.  In any event if you are going to be connected to some other random website on the internet because of your name, it might as well be somewhere that specializes in anal bleaching.  I just had a lot of fun typing anal bleaching.

I hope you enjoy reading – to see some previous blog posts still go over to Mat and Val’s Excellent Baby Adventure until I find a smart person to show me how to bring those over here.  If you want to, please pass the blog along to anyone who might need to feel better about themselves by reading about the crappy/funny/depressing things that happen over here. You can subscribe to the feed or receive posts by email if you really want to torture yourself.  And if you don’t like something you read, you can leave me a comment.  Or impale yourself on a pike.  (I saw that on Walking Dead AND Game of Thrones recently so it’s relevant social commentary.)

See you soon!